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Politically Correct Greetings For Any Occasion

Wimps", a guide to politically correct greetings for all occasions!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS ARE FOR WIMPS

Now that we're fully in festival mode, we need to be politically correct and not offend our leftist friends and relatives when in greeting mode. Here are some suggested greetings for all occasions:

Martin Luther King day? Let's just call it "A certain holiday in January"

New Year's Day= "A certain holiday associated with sports on television". Acceptable greeting: "Happy Corporate Media Exploitation Of the Masses Day"

Memorial Day= "A holiday associated with BBQ and RV's". Acceptable greeting: "Happy three day weekend! Pass the bong."

Independence Day= "A holiday associated with BBQ, RV's and blowing up stuff". Acceptable greeting: See Memorial Day

Labor Day= "A holiday associated with BBQ and RV's". Acceptable greeting: "Workers Of The World, Unite"

Columbus Day= "A holiday associated with BBQ and sailing ships". Acceptable Greeting: (Federal Employees Only- "Happy dead rich white guy who engaged in genocide but who cares we got another paid holiday." Can also be spoken as "HDRWGWEIGBWCWGAPH"

Veterans Day= "A holiday associated with troops we don't really support." Acceptable Greeting: See Memorial Day.

Thanksgiving Day= " a holiday associated with BBQ Turkey and beer" Acceptable Greeting: None required. Keep eating. (Disclaimer: Tofurkey eaters may use Columbus Day Acceptable Greeting, but only after reaching consensus with their cell or cadre.)

Christmas Day= "a holiday associated with holidays." Acceptable Greeting: "I hate crosses and I don't celebrate Christmas."

Birthdays will need to be abolished because they are so age-centric..And it would be too difficult to think up 260 million Acceptable Greetings.

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Smashing The Inner Bah Humbug

I just hadn't been feeling the Christmas "feeling". I wasn't feeling the "Christmas Jones". Traffic was getting worse. Stores were getting more crowded- even the grocery departments!

Our church's Christmas program last weekend was--if I may be blunt--messy, too complicated, and lacking in focus. I loved the singing children at the beginning, but the main presentation and sermon was.. . let's just say when it all ended, my first thought was "what the. . .?" My attitude was descending faster than a mountain biker who just took a header down a rocky slope. Christmas? Bah Humbug.

The Mrs. must have picked up on my crabby vibe. Because last Sunday night, she recommended a visit to a Live Nativity staffed by the combined efforts two local churches. Both Churches get together annually to present live scenes of the life of Jesus, from birth through crucifixion and resurrection.

So we went Sunday night. It was raining. Hard. We were prepared and wore our rain gear. But it was very wet. and cold. The Live Nativity was low-key but powerful in its imagery. No bad "churchy" over-acting (you know what I mean). Just silent, still, but very much alive scenes. The every day humdrum slowly drifted away with each scene. Congested traffic and crowded stores were forgotten. In the silence. In the rain.

Afterward, we gladly accepted an invitation to join others inside the church to warm ourselves with wassail and pleasant conversation.

The bah-humbug frustration of the busy, rushed, crowded Christmas season failed to visit me this week, although I have driven through busy streets and shopped in crowded stores. Streets and stores can have their version of Christmas. I like mine better.
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